RANT HERE.

Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 2:02 am

Will gave me the idea to make a blog where you can rant. Anything you want to get off your mind, say it. threads like these tend to get kinda emo, so try to think positively when you're emptying your head. I'll be contributing every now and again, too. I'll start off with the rant that Will told me initially to put up, but from there on, who knows? ooo000o000ooo0oo00o.... I hate it when people do that joke. It's not funny. Well, I guess it is in the right context but... meh...

Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 2:10 am

I'm not trying to brag or anything, but I really kind of like Dart because I've never seen any two people draw him the same way. I basically draw a bullet with 5 spikes in the back, then add "Peanuts" eyes, but every time one of my friends or another online artist draws him, it's like an adventure. Like the goonies.

Take Dark Velox's rendition. She added more of an American cartoony look, which sort of highlights more distortion of the head and facial features in order to bring out expressions, while I just sort of work in the area I've already drawn. It's awesome that there can be that much contrast while still holding true to the character's form.

It's really not the same as when you compare it to a human or even a Neko character, simply because, well, once again, not bragging, but how many characters have you seen like Dart? Woodstock and Sonic the Hedgehog aside. When people draw someone else's OC and it's in a form (or species) they are used to drawing, it just isn't as exciting to anticipate the results as it is to in the case of cute, freaky little things like Dart. Don't get me wrong, I've seen great fanarts of human characters, but seeing such a distorted figure portrayed in an even more distorted fashion is just great Very Happy

and unpredictable.

END OF RANT

Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 11:27 pm

2 in a row, here i go:

Fucking Sheezyart. I submitted some art that I was wanting to get feedback on the day before yesterday, and now, 2 days later, they're still updating, so I can't even access the it.

Now I can understand that they are trying to upgrade the site; to make it more efficient, pleasurable and easy to use, and I also understand that that process takes time. I can respect these things.

BUT DON'T PUT IN THE TOP OF THE SCREEN: "YOU BROKE SHEEZYART!"

Fuck you.

YOU are the ones who broke it, by making it, and are now forced to fix it.

Fuck you.

The last thing I want to see on the page of a site that's return I am patiently waiting for is a condescending exclamation passing the blame for this problem on to me. That would be like if you took your car to the Auto-Repair, then they all took turns shitting in your gas tank, and told you that you should have known better than to bring your car there. Maybe it's just me, but I'd shove the exhaust-pipe up all of their asses one by one. Wouldn't you?

Fuck you *shoves exhaust-pipe up SA's ass*
--KO

Posted: Fri Jan 30, 2009 11:29 pm

***keep in mind that last one is meant to be taken lightly ^^

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:05 am

This one's more serious, but I'll try to keep it humorous:

Why is it that the American youth's common reaction to a serious or controversial subject matter is to act as if it's all a joke? I'm in one of the only high-school productions of the musical, Miss Saigon, and also, our school is the first debuting the recently written, official high-school version. We had to pay thousands of dollars and win national awards with our last year's production of Suessical just to be able to do this show. Yet, the bulk of our cast members don't seem to see the gravity of all this, and thus, treat it all like it's no big deal.

Allow me to illustrate a particularly frustrating example:

In one of the most memorable scenes we've been rehearsing, the Ensemble is supposed to portray a mob of desperate Vietnamese citizens, stampeding over each other, trying to climb the gates of the US embassy to get out of the country to save themselves. the other half of the ensemble is supposed to be a group of US marines that literally bash in the faces of the Vietnamese, trying to evacuate themselves, as well.

all the while, a sergeant named Chris is inside the embassy, trying to find Kim, the girl he fell in love with and promised to take to America, and she herself is outside the gate amidst the panicking mob. It's a scene that illustrates the chaos of fear and desperation, colliding with a tragic love story involving two young lovers whose magnificent bond carries through the horror and confusion all around them. finally, a helicopter descends on stage, Chris is dragged into it, and it takes off, leaving Kim behind.

This is one of the most tragic and beautiful scenes in the history of theater.

So please, answer me this; why the fuck are there kids in the cast giggling, doing fist-pounds, and talking side-conversations WHILE WE'RE ON STAGE?

I can understand if they are just high-school kids wanting to have fun, but we aren't doing a "High-School" production here. It's fucking Miss Saigon. If you want a club where you can be an obnoxious asshole, join the knitting circle. It even counts as community service. You can't do that in Drama, though.

Our teacher is a young, highly trained actor and musician with ADHD worse than mine and many friends and classmates performing on Broadway today. We won't settle for a "High-School" Quality with our shows, and those who would bring us down to that level (it only takes one) should get the fuck out.

I have a friend Skyler who didn't take acting seriously, so he dropped out of the play. Fine. I don't hold a thing against him. I'm not going to be a fascist and act like he's worse than me for having different passions or priorities. What I can't stand, though, is those in our cast who continue to fuck around while we're trying to act, making any serious effort we put in all go to waste.

This is all a big deal, too! Denver's 8 news is doing a report on us in a week. The original "Ellen" from the original cast is going to be giving us coaching sessions. A fully accredited Doctor of music, who's been performing opera all over the world for years, has been giving Us leads singing lessons. FOR FREE. Vietnam vets are coming to our school tomorrow to have an open discussion about the war. OUR WHOLE SCHOOL is changing it's curriculum to have more relation to the Vietnam War. PEOPLE FROM ALL OVER THE US AND EVEN EUROPE HAVE ALREADY PREORDERED TICKETS.

Where does the mentality come from that, even with all of this being affected by our performance, we can just be lethargic smartasses about it?

Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 7:06 am

I didn't really do any humor.... Oh well...
I'm pissed is all.

Posted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 4:05 am

Salutations, which is an awesome word. It's almost the end of spring break! Miss Saigon's over, but the next play's auditions are next week, so there I go. I tried unsuccessfully to get a job this week, I spent the last straight 19 hours cleaning my room, and I have to read a 1297 page book in 72 hours. And My Gaia account got banned.

Meh.

As I was cleaning, I unearthed my old stack of sketch books. You see, I draw as a from of anger management, and have since preschool, so I have at least 30 of 'em. I like to look through my old sketch books, not only to remind me of how much I've grown, but also, more importantly, to laugh about how much I used to suck. lol

I'll submit more when I get the chance to SA and DA, but I've fallen behind in checking updates and I'm tired dammit.

Dart will be back soon, don't worry. I got, like 7 whiney emails. it's good to have a moderate fanbase Very Happy

Herbivorous chupacabra powuh *fist in air*

Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 12:42 am

Dude, I agree with your rant about Miss Saigon. I can understand a little laughter sometimes. But how can people be giggling and laughing when they're portraying something as serious and heart-wrenching as this? Fucking retarded. Especially when I read about all the things that are happening at your school in relation to this play. That is not something people should be fucking around with. Ranting is good for you *nodnod*

Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 4:53 am

Well this is here so I'm going to rant. You don't have to read this if you don't want to. I'd love it if someone did, and understood but...I'd also love it if nobody read it. Anyway...here we go.

I normally act like I don't give a shit what people think of me. And usually I don't. But when my friends get mad at me it hurts. Only a little bit though. But still. I react like a kid who's being scolded for doing something wrong when they didn't know it was bad. You get all pissed and yell at them and they're like "I'm sorry! I didn't know! T_T" and you keep yelling. Plus, I always misinterpret what my boyfriend says and think he's really pissed at me so I then I get all depressed. It's because when I was little my dad with get mad at us for the stupidest shit, and for legitimate reasons too. He's not buff or anything, but he's like, six foot one. So when he gets mad it's fucking terrifying to a little kid. So now, my automatic response to stuff is to think people are mad at me when I do something that would annoy or upset someone. Even if they're not mad. Or if I do something stupid or say something stupid or incorrectly. And I do that kind of thing ALL the fucking time. So then, when I think my boyfriend is angry and then I think my friends are angry I get uber-depressed. Plus I've been kind of depressed lately anyway. So then I start crying and I'm like wtf? What the hell is wrong with me? I'm so fucking stupid. Blah blah blah. Turns out my friend wasn't really mad at me. But still, it's so hard to fight the depression most of the time. I can usually pull it off. But I have no defense when it comes to my boyfriend. And only some when it comes to my friends. I fight so hard to keep myself thinking that I'm fine, that I'm happy and that everything's okay. But it's not. I'm really smart, but I'm still a fucking idiot. I can't get a job. I do...other things, that I won't say because it's too embarassing. And I won't tell you no matter how much you tell me it's okay and you won't judge me. I say stupid shit and misunderstand everyone. I never say what I mean right. I have like a million mental disorders. I have no money. We can barely afford to pay the bills. And we don't have much food in the home. My brother is an asshole. My dad was an asshole now he's just a jerk sometimes. My mom is depressed and doesn't understand my problems as much as she thinks she does. Nobody understands all of my problems. They can understand some but not others. So I just put on a mask of being normal and weird and crazy. I joke about being nuts. I joke about this and that and everything. But in all honesty I'm shit. My life is shit. And I hate it. The only thing that really makes it so I can keep living is my boyfriend and my mom. Other stuff is just after the fact. A day or two my mom got taken to the hospital and we thought she had a heart attack. She didn't but it still scared the shit out of me. And how did I react? I felt nothing. Not fear, not anger, not sadness. Nothing. I just made stupid jokes the whole time. If she died...I'd be ruined. My life would be over. My boyfriend lives in Florida. My life is a mess right now and I need to get it together before he can come live with me. If she died I'd never be able to do that. I have no favorites. I can't take personality quizzes because I can say yes to each answer. I'm picky. I'm overweight. I eat sugar and junk food. I almost never drink water. I drink soda and juice and sometimes chocolate milk. I hardly ever eat. And when I do it's crappy shit. I don't exercise, I stay up really late. I always try and take care of other people over myself. Because I feel that I deserve everything that happens to me. I did something horrible when I was twelve and combined with the way I was treated by my dad and my brother growing up, it "taught" me that I'm a worthless piece of shit who isn't even good enough to deserve death. I'm the one who has to sacrifice himself. I'm the one who has to feel the pain. Be raped. He stabbed. Made fun of. I put on a strong front. Can't let other people see my emotions. Can't burden anyone else. I'm compulsively honest though. So I feel even worse. I have all these problems that just build on each other and make things worse. I escape into the computer and videogames and tv. I run like a coward. I give everyone else advice, but I don't follow it. Why should I? I don't deserve happiness. I take meds but they only partially help. I legitimately feel the urge to kill people. To rape. Murder. Molest. All the dark impulses a person can feel I have suppressed and suppressed. But they multiply and breed with each other in the back of my mind, poisoning my brain and spreading like an emotional cancer. I'm just one severe trauma away from having some kind of personality disorder. Sure I'm generous and kind and loving and honest and all that golden child stuff. But I'm also hateful, deceitful, vengeful, dishonest, spiteful, cruel, sick, twisted, disgusting, jealous, merciless, and all that evil stuff. I've seen all the best and worst of the world. Thanks to the internet and my insatiable curiousity. I'm losing my grip on reality. And I can't even tell my counselor because they might think I'm a risk to myself or others and lock me up again! The only place I can say everything I think and feel is a random forum on the internet, where nobody really knows who I am! And the real shitfuck is, saying all this doesn't make me feel one bit better, because I don't think I'll ever be fixed! I'm getting counseling, but it doesn't seem to work. It's a special kind of counseling, that's very useful. But I think I'm too screwed up for it to help. Well... yeah. There you go. That's a small piece of all the stuff up in my head.

Enchilada Joined: 10 Jan 2009 Posts: 87

I just got into a fight with my parents, about the computer. They always get mad at me for being on the computer too long, and they say it's unhealthy. I try to tell them why I need to be on the computer for a bit longer, but then they just wave off what I have to say, and dismiss it as unimportant. I ask for a bit more time, and they give me a set time limit, which has never worked for me, ever, because it feels like I have to finish what I'm doing really quickly or I'm going to run out of time, and then I never finish it in time because I'm in such a rush that I get flustered and have to re-type things or redo things or whathaveyou. And then, they try to just manually turn off the computer, so I have to push their arm away, and so then it turns into a physical argument. I try to fight a defensive battle, but it never works, and they threaten to turn the power off at the circuit breaker, so I have to keep them from going downstairs, and the whole time I'm trying to talk reason and explain why I need more time, but they never listen, and then they start threatening to send me to military school, and I know that if they tried to, I'd have to actually kill them. And the scary thing is, I actually consider it as a possibility. I mean, the internet makes me happy; it's the one place in the world that I can speak freely without putting up a false front, because I could just as easily leave a forum and never look back once. I just have these thoughts and problems that I could never tell someone that I know and see every day, because they'd think I was an insane, disgusting human being. That's the best thing about the internet: no matter how far you've fallen in life, there's always someone right down there with you who you can talk to, or maybe someone older than you who can understand the tough times you're going through. I know I've got it pretty easy, considering what some other people have gone through, but I'm still just a messed-up kid at my core, and I've unintentionally let that slowly slip out in normal conversations. I guess it's because my entire facade, the only thing that keeps me from harming myself, or others, is comedy; and lately, everything has just been drama, drama, drama... Humor can't exist in a situation without anything to poke fun at. And when things get like that, my entire facade just crumbles, and my real, disturbed self slowly slips out. And when that happens, people start to get scared by how incredibly fucked-up I really am; a base-roots pedophiliac furfag who has never actually been loved.

Enchilada Joined: 10 Jan 2009 Posts: 87

... Whoa.

Where did that all come from?

... The ironic thing here is, this can never leave the internet.

Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 4:34 am

You and I seem to be in the same boat. Or almost.

Enchilada Joined: 10 Jan 2009 Posts: 87

My wall of text does have a fractional resemblance.

Posted: Sun May 10, 2009 11:56 pm

My wall 'o text is bigger. 8)

Posted: Wed Sep 23, 2009 12:05 pm

I often find myself in a sort of ethical quandary, wherein I feel a deeply rooted inclination towards aggressiveness and anger, but I usually express said negative energies in a non-harmful medium, such as drawing or sparring with friends. No one gets hurt (that badly) and we shrug it off, calmly, happily, and optimistically marching into the day with swollen knees, sunken eyes, and bleeding lips. I'm not depressed, I have great self-esteem, I'm determined to improve myself, and I'm optimistic and confident towards my bright, happy future ahead of me

The PROBLEM is, I don't know where it comes from. Sure I had some rough times as a kid, some abandonment crap with my biological father, not fitting in quite right with the adoption, teachers thinking I was Autistic or Schizoid, some kind of Anti-Social retardation like that, and all the while being intelligent enough to learn multiplication in kindergarten, but so lazy and rebellious I only used my intellect to blackmail my closest friends. So, I was a total dick, even by elementary school standards, but I don't know where all that aggression came from.

I mean, I had a great childhood, despite all that shit. i took incredible, paradigm shattering vacations to some of the most amazing locations on the planet on a regular basis. Did that make me a lil' Dick? I had family who loved me, respected me, and empathized with me, even when teaching me a life lesson. Did that make me a lil' Dick? I don't think it adds up.

I've been getting into this, and apparently, violence can be attributed to a few, specific, hereditary genes, but those genes require some kind of stimulus to activate. So, I was born with violent potential, and something unlocked it. It incorporates both sides of the timeless psychological debate of Nature vs Nurture, but neither aspect is specific enough for me to be satisfied with.

I mean, I draw as anger management. It's made my fight scenes pretty good, but at what cost? I'm literally addicted, and if I want to draw but can't, I experience psychosomatic symptoms of withdrawal. This and basically this alone is why I HATE artist blocks so much. some people joke about how they want to draw so bad that they could just puke. I actually do.

And sometimes, I'm really worried. I am. It just feels so... out of character... I don't know. I mean, people don't look at me and get reminded of fuckin' Tyler Durden, or anything like that. I don't fit the stereotype all that well of the "streetfighter" guy, other than the occasional shiner or splinted finger. I'm pretty nice, too. I take on TONS of responsibilities for others, even though part of me knows I'm just making myself more unceasingly busy. Hell, I almost got shot when I was yelling at a lady who was beating her kids, but I didn't stop. I've risked my life for little kids I didn't even know, yet nothing satisfies me more than making someone bleed with my hands and feet...

Why am I a Sadistic Samaritan? Why am I a walking Cognitive Dissonance? Why is it that on some nights, when I can't sleep, and my muse can't tame my wildness, I feel no other option than to beat someone to a pulp? and that person feels the same.

I am not of a clique or generation. I am a fist. I can create, I can embrace, I can protect, I can lift. I want to.

but at the end of the day, running into the night, fists need to hit. Fists find other fists, and break each other to pieces, laughing all the while.

Maybe that's my real answer, but it spawns another question:

Is that okay?

-Tom Champion -9/23/09 6:01 am (up all night, again)